F the Troops

As I was driving to Tacoma this week for a show, listening to an account of the “Bull Durham” celebration cancellation at the Hall of Fame this week, I did some quick math regarding my own banishment from various comedy rooms around the country based on the content of my act… Indianapolis for a misinterpreted bit attacking racism, Montana for having the temerity to satirize gun control, even in my hometown of Eugene I’ve been banned. “Religious jokes” this time, hotly and vocally challenged by an abundance of creationist rednecks in attendance. Well, at least “in attendance” for the first fifteen minutes of my act. Goodnight folks. Drive home safe.

Over the course of a decade now in subversive political and social satire, I’ve been banned now from comedy clubs in over a dozen venues spread over 10 States. Not for vulgarity, crassness, or a deficiency of laughter or professionalism, but for my “point of view”. Objectionable content, resulting in complaints and walkouts from people either failing to possess even a rudimentary understanding of “satire” or perhaps people flat out incapable of allowing their belief systems to be threatened by thoughts and ideas contrary to theirs. Maybe both. At a comedy show! The advisable course, the “rational decision” (as offered on my behalf by more than one club booker) would be for me to “tone it down” or to “drop it a notch and play ball. It’s easier for everyone that way.” By toning it down of course, what is meant is that I parade for the masses the usual comedy club fare – debasement of gays, women, minorities, any banality will suffice so long as it fails to provoke even a murmur of discontent. In comedy parlance, “tone it down” means, “don’t attempt to challenge anything” for the hour you’re on stage.

Tone it down? Now? Are you kidding? The Trail of Tears resulting from US imperialism now stretches to every corner of the world. Fueled in great part by the PR machines necessary for capitalism’s illusion and fraud to continue, the job of Hills & Knowlton and their ilk is to further warp and distort what little sanctity remains in our rapidly disintegrating culture. Their goal is to ensure complacency and apathy in what little is left of the electorate. Spurred forth by the ensuing collective silence, destructive acts here and abroad by our government and its duped but approving minions relentlessly supply more human grist for the mill of capitalist imperialism, all the while expecting us “radical anarchists” (read; peace activists) to “tone it down some.” I wonder if the rest of the world, aligned in their contempt for the Bush regime, would prefer us all here in America to “tone it down some?”

I wonder if that little Iraqi girl, blood pouring from her eye as she screams for her dead mother, needs us all to “tone it down some?”

The following essay is for anyone in entertainment these troubled days using their medium for social progress, anyone at all refusing to tone it down some – Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins, Michael Moore, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Peter Arnett… May all the voices of the world, now clamoring in unison for peace, pledge never to “tone it down.” And to all those who “support the troops fighting for Bush’s oil”…err, I mean “support the troops fighting for our freedoms?” May the collective roar for peace resulting from our stubborn refusal to “tone it down some” one day reach even you, that you too may join us and add what remains of your hypnotized, Prozac laden, “Survivor” filled Mc-Soul to this rising crescendo of resistance.

Join us in supporting not the troops, but rather the illumination of our humanity, our need for community and the interconnectedness of ourselves to the entire planet and all its creatures. A world worth inhabiting awaits your awakening. To that end, this essay is written…

What an a-hole Bush has turned out to be. Even worse than expected! If nothing else, I say let the upshot to his un-election and subsequent fiasco be a valuable lesson for the future: “watch out for stupid people lacking even a basic comprehension of world history or politics running for president.” Bush sleeps just fine while dismantling the world’s safety structure known as the UN only because he lacks the intelligence and history knowledge necessary to grasp its importance. It’s like putting into the flailing hands of a hyperactive toddler with poor motor skills the last of an endangered insect species. “Watch out, don’t squish the pretty butterfly, I think you just found the last one, be gentle… uh-oh, butterfly went bye-bye. Gross! Oh well! C’mon, let’s go wash our hands for dinner, and no, you can’t have any pretzels. Not until you somehow learn how to eat them without choking and falling on your head.”

Support the troops as they do this idiot’s bidding? Pass.

I say fuck the troops. (Unless of course, they’re shooting their CO’s. The only increase in military spending I advocate now is mass showings of Stanley Kubrick’s “Full Metal Jacket” to all military personnel. Daily screenings. Now that I’d vote for!)

Is that un-patriotic? Must be, as patriotism these days seems limited to flag waving and troop supporting. “SUPPORT THE TROOPS!”… as they follow orders to ignore looters and kill whomever they’re told to? Is that what I’m supporting? The hell with supporting the troops, support an entertainment activist!

Public dissent is in much more need of your support these days than the 100,000 US troops. Trust me, the troops don’t need your support. They’re already “supported” just fine with vastly superior firepower, equipment, training and food. (Burger Kings and Pizza Huts in Basra, already open while Iraqi’s continue to suffer with no water, electricity or food. Welcome to “US-style Democracy 101,” kids. Better start stepping on your neighbor’s neck if you want to get ahead in our/your vision of progress.) All to destroy an “Iraqi Army” comprised mostly of conscripted children forced to fight the Americans with bolt action rifles while running for their lives. Support that?

How is it peace protestors are accused of not supporting the troops when we’re against them even going to Iraq in the first place? How is that a failure to support the troops, especially when compared to the flag waving pro-war folk who (when not calculating “acceptable body counts”) exuberantly send kids from this country marching off to die? That’s more supportive, more patriotic than fighting for them never to board the troop transport in the first place?

Brilliant spin. It’s like supporting cows by eating more frequently at McDonald’s. “Damn McDonald’s protesters, against the cows. What are you, commies? Support the cows! Eat more McDonalds! Damn this burger’s good…”

I wonder how many “we support the troops” folks are aware that Bush’s budget includes a 90 MILLION dollar savings from eliminating Veteran Benefits… That’s supporting the troops? I wonder what the Bush/war/troop fans will tell what remains of their sons and daughters once they return to America to find out their troop support was more about flag waving than vitally needed VA funds for their impending Gulf War Syndrome? I wonder stories await the “supported troops” once they discover there’s no money for what will be desperately needed psychological therapy once slaughtering an entire country begin to take it’s toll? (Unless their military conditioning fails to dissipate, causing them instead to never actually formally acknowledge the humanity of the people there, the “Hajis’”, as the troops have taken to calling them these days… Obviously Injun, wetback, nigger and gook were taken in previous liberations, and a new term of de-humanization was clearly needed to distance the troops from their actions against another group of people – Hajis. How perfectly American.)

I do not support the troops. I do not support any human who signs away his or her own conscience to any organization pledging to give them a “sense of direction.” Military, fundamentalist religious groups, cults, even the goddamn boy scouts. If rational thought or my conscience is indeed what makes me human, what am I when I allow the US Army to “be my conscience” for me? Anyone relinquishing their RESPONSIBILITY to act autonomously while on this Earth, in accordance with their own moral compass, is relinquishing the keystone of humanity’s most precious gift (to the US military no less!) and is in my estimation no longer even in full possession of their own “human-ity.” They have traded that in for something else.

Perhaps their very popular shirt proudly boasting “Kill ‘em all, let God sort ‘em out!”

Support that “individual”?

Sure. Like I support cops and pepper spray.

In George Orwell’s book “1984,” the “Ministry of Truth” confused the populace with “doublespeak;” – statements like “war is peace” and “freedom is slavery.” As Bush tortures “enemy combatants” (read: POW’s) in Guantanamo Bay (so far killing two) and yet unashamedly demands “fair treatment” for American POWs, (read: enemy combatants) as he thunders daily for war crime punishments for Iraqis while perpetrating that very thing himself, as he gloats of liberating the Iraqi people while destroying their infrastructure (for money) and then rebuilding it, (for more money) as he boasts on TV about US supplied humanitarian aid for the “Iraqi people suffering at the hands of the ruthless tyrant Sadaam,” as HE deliberately destroys their food distribution system thereby forcing the necessity of that very humanitarian aid, I can only imagine what ol’ George Orwell would’ve thought of his outlandish story now come to life as GWB. I wonder too if George Orwell was ever told to “tone it down.” You know, for the good of the country. I’m sure he was, and equally sure how better off we all are collectively as the result of his refusal to “play ball.”

Lesson learned.

Don’t support the troops. Support someone speaking out against them, their aims and their methodology.

Support dissent. Dissent is far more representative of a country worth creating than blind allegiance to a military no longer in need or even worth your support.

And as far as “playing ball” goes, fuck the Hall of Fame too…

Civilly disobedient wherever possible,

Arlo Stone